Contracts & Trauma Processing
Holographic reality. Projecting everywhere. Lost in illusions playing tricks on every one of us constantly.
My brother said some things today that really made sense to me. And i dont tell him about my spiritual beliefs - maybe he has heard about these concepts or maybe his intuition is peeking through the psychosis & has told him these truths.
Basically saying that he was literally stuck under his "contract" we all signed "before he was born" .. to "collect data" ..
He said there's more data to be collected before we can retire... I found this to be quite interesting.
Bx from a 5D - 6D framework - he isn't wrong.
He has severe psychosis but he is not wrong about this.
And fortunately or unfortunately we were all assigned the roles we agreed to 'play'
What we are here to Learn, Transform, Heal, Disrupt, Catalyst, Teach & what can become our Purpose.
Now .. there is this main factor here....
And the factor is ....
Is that whatever is projected out into our holographic reality is a Projection of our inner alignment with ourself.
Until we are able to come into alignment with ourself we kept running
into distortions. .
One example, I always had these perceptions about my parents not showing up in a way I needed... and it never resolved until - I - came into alignment with myself ...and I couldn't come into alignment with self until i found an internal power to turn to.. and when - I - no longer "Needed" them to save me or even understand what i was going through..then I projected that they finally showed up the way i wished for. the outer alignment with them projected what was inside of me - which was finally processed & accepted as it was. And it didn't work the other way - it moves from inside.
I pray on my knees every morning and many mornings I begged for help. Bx I had nothing inside. My spirit was bankrupt & it took a long time to save back up. And Little by little and day by day this practice restored me, covered me with protection. And brought back the pieces on angels wings.
Or how about this - I had a particularly terrifying fear with ALL of my boyfriend's that came from my first serious & longterm relationship.. I won't go into deep details ... but it wasn't until I balled my eyes, silently screaming out one night after getting home from Egypt, bx of some culture shocks I experienced there ... and bx I was in a long distance relationship, had no one to project onto, and was sober.. that trauma from when i was 17, that got buried in my addiction, finally released itself - fully - while I did EMDR bilateral stimulation at home... seeing guns pointed at my face again & things being thrown at me, being lied to over & over again about something he was too ashamed to admit & reliving the terror & pain of those scenes - fully letting it out ---- after that i realized that it finally left me ---- that fear I projected into every relationship --- it actually left me. And the same triggering things no longer triggered me. I was again restored to sanity and inner freedom.
This is trauma processing.
Mourning & grieving...
& because I used so much to block that out --- it fkn followed me everywhere. Until I finally sat through it and let it come out. But only once I was deep into sobriety was it able to finally get uncovered.
I had a lot of other very deep wounds process out while in that long distance relationship. It was enough to trigger them - but gave them no place to project except my attempt to seek more attention from my ex. That I never could seem to get enough attention from - never the perfect way or perfect amount ---- bx it was something I had to find myself for myself. And through being triggered to tears & being transported back through time to the truth. I was able to slowly make space for my divine self to embody my human body.
We become stoic
But slowly build walls of ice
Until somehow this sunlight of the spirit
Can break through and melt us into tears
And dissolve the wall of ice & evaporate it back to be recycled into the water molecules in the air ..that create rainbows. And mist. And moisture. And moss. the smells inside of flowers. And the stickiness of the frogs.
Life doesn't always make sense. But the more I can trust that God knows and I don't. And that God is the master creator and I am not. That the divine will is more powerful than what I think things should or should not be. And that if we can keep trying to remind ourselves this. Then maybe we can learn to accept these things we cannot explain. Or change. Or escape. until that divine time arrives where we glimpse clarity.
See : there are Whole Akashic files & blueprints waiting for you - - - for every trauma, loss and pain - - - There is a whole plan - - - Just waiting for you to pick it up & turn it into your Purpose
Into Your shield.
Where everything sent to destroy and defeat,
Can be used to heal & teach.
So again,
fall apart into the stars
surrender and grieve once again.
That we don't know. And that is okay.
